


Human

by AllTimePhan73



Category: Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye
Genre: Angst, Suicide Attempt, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-19 17:38:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14878301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTimePhan73/pseuds/AllTimePhan73
Summary: Anti had died for a moment. The heart monitor had gone flat and he had stopped breathing....So how was he alive?He's different though. He insists he's human. Of course he isn't a human: he's a demon, right?They just want the old Anti back.TW: Violence and suicide attempt.





	1. Chapter 1

There was blood _everywhere_. I don't just mean the odd splatter on the bath tub or Anti's arm; I mean _everywhere_. Anti was crying and his whole body was glitching an unhealthy amount as he sat, unable to see half his body in the red water. He had no idea when it had gotten like that but it was in that moment he worried he had taken it too far.

He finally found the energy to stand up, his legs resembling jelly as he did so. He climbed out of the bath tub and drained the water, not even phased that it was filled with a lot of his own blood. Throughout his lifetime he had become accustomed to the sight of the red liquid... except usually it was not his own. It was normally from some victim who had done something to infuriate the demon. Only occasionally did he have to deal with cuts in his own arms.

Anti wasn't sure what he wanted. He wasn't sure whether he should curl up on the floor and accept the fact that he was losing too much blood or whether he should scream for one of the egos to come and help him. He opened his mouth to yell after choosing the latter; nothing but a pathetic huff of air came out. He gripped onto the sink to stop himself from collapsing but his grip was not enough to hold him up. He fell, somehow avoiding hitting his head in the process.

Despite his body screaming at him to let him sleep, he tried to keep his eyes open a bit longer. It was just enough to see JJ's head looking down at him with concern-filled eyes.

-

Anti was walking in somewhere black. Black was the only word to describe it, as not a single object or sign of life was in the area: it was just a black room with black walls and a black floor. _Was he dead?_

He walked around a bit, yelling out for his boyfriend or one of the other egos every so often to see if he'd get a response. The only reply he got was a deathly silence that made him shiver.

He glanced up at the sky to see that it was filled with colours. Although black was amongst them, it was infused with red, blue, yellow and all the other colours of the rainbow. It was so mesmerising that it momentarily made him forget about the situation he was in. His eyes locked onto the hues and he was unsure of whether he was hallucinating when they formed a face.

It was the face of someone who was once a close friend but Anti had pushed him away once he met Dark. It was someone named Henrik von Schneeplestein.

The concern in his blue eyes was obvious, even under his glasses. His eyebrows were furrowed and he appeared to be concentrating on something. After a moment, he pulled off his surgical mask. "I'm not sure what else we can do." At the sound of his voice, Anti's mouth opened to see if he could reply but he snapped it shut when the colours morphed into Chase Brody, another worried friend. He was crying, his eyes rimmed red.

"But, Schneep... You saved me so you can save him... He can't die! He just can't!" Chase yelled out. Anti looked down at his arms to see that they were no longer littered with deep cuts and the skin was its usual almost-porcelain white again. Anti screamed out in attempt to tell his friends that he could see them but they couldn't hear him.

He didn't want to die. His eyes sparkled with tears before they all just came pouring out. He sobbed and sobbed as he watched the colours morph into his friends one by one. He tried to shut his eyes and block them out but he'd still hear their broken voices and he hated it. He clasped his hands over his ears and screamed at the top of his lungs- anything to tune out their voices.

He quickly ran out of breath. He heaved and the room or world or wherever he was went silent until a familiar cry was heard. Anti glanced up at the colours, his chest rising and falling at a rapid speed. He desperately wanted to reach out and caress his boyfriend's face but he couldn't.

"Time of death: 9:32pm." Anti didn't even care about Henrik's voice or the fact that he had just been pronounced dead: all he cared about was Dark. Dark didn't say anything as he looked up, right into Anti's eyes. He appeared empty and broken and that was enough to send Anti over the edge.

"I'm alive!" He yelled, praying that Dark would hear him. "I'm here! I can hear you!" Dark's eyebrows creased as he looked at the doctor and his friends.

"Something's not right." He muttered.

"Henrik! Dark!" His words were a mess at that point, barely audible but he didn't care. He was so desperate to wake up in the real world and see his friends again. "I don't want to die! This is not what I wanted! I just needed an escape and took it too far... Please say you can hear me."

Anti felt something in his hand, as if a ghost was holding it. He squeezed the ghost hand as hard as possible just to show he was alive. Dark's eyes widened and he yelled, "I swear I felt him squeeze my hand!"

"That's impossible." Henrik's voice was gentle because he was afraid of upsetting Dark any further. He was aware that grieving patients could imagine their lover or family member being alive but it was impossible since the demon had been pronounced dead. There was no way he was coming back.

Anti felt something wet on his forehead and wiped it away. They couldn't have been his tears so he could only presume they were Dark's.

"Come on, Anti. Wake up. I know you like your sleep way too much but this isn't the time for that. You need to open your eyes." Anti mumbled to himself. He felt something unrecognisable run through his body and then his feet began to glow. "If you wake up, you can see your boyfriend again and your best friends. You can mend your relationships with them and stop pushing them away. You can fix everything and get help. You don't need to suffer in silence anymore." He saw a bright light and squinted his eyes. The light vanished after a few seconds to reveal a white ceiling.

The white ceiling of the hospital.


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing Anti did was let out a long groan. His entire body was glitching terribly and his head was pounding. He brought his hands up to his head and let out another groan because the pain was so unbearable. He couldn't even open his eyes for any longer than a few seconds because the bright light just made the ache so much worse.

"What's happening?" Dark questioned with a fear-filled tone but Anti couldn't hear him. A loud ring was echoing through his head and in attempt to make it go away, he hit his forehead with the palm of his hand. Dark's hand had long since disappeared from his grip as he backed away from Anti's figure. All of the other egos had walked back a little too, just in case Anti were to flip out and blindly attack someone.

"Anti..." A soft voice muttered. It was kept at a low volume, as if the person speaking was aware of Anti's headache. Anti couldn't think about who it could be and he couldn't see them either so he refused to listen, hitting his forehead over and over again until it went bright red.

Two hands grabbed his wrists and held him down so he didn't cause himself any more pain. At that point, tears were streaming down his face as he just yelled and yelled.

"Anti, we need you to calm down, okay? Stop yelling and breathe." Anti's form glitched which just caused him more pain. Eventually, it became too much and he fell back onto the bed and his eyes closed.

-

He opened his eyes to see a bright light. Immediately, he used one of his hands to cover the light as he let out a small sigh to represent his discomfort. He slowly sat up, surprised when he felt no pain other than the light. His whole body felt like a cloud as there was no weight holding him down. He finally took a moment to observe his surroundings. Dark was watching him with worried eyes whilst Chase and JJ were asleep, practically on top of each other. Chase's hat was covering his face, muffling the light snores that were escaping his mouth.

When Dark noticed Anti's eyes were open, he stood up. "I need to go get Henrik. Stay calm, okay? You're okay." He gently placed a kiss on Anti's forehead before rushing out of the room. Anti almost laughed because Dark had never been 'gentle' a day in his life, not that Anti minded. Dark returned a minute or so later, Henrik in tow.

"How are you feeling?" The doctor asked, keeping his voice at a low volume.

"Weird. I feel really light? I don't know how to explain it..." Anti was surprised when his voice cracked and came out a raspy mess.

"Okay. Any pain?" Anti shook his head which made Henrik's eyes widen as he nodded to himself.

Anti felt a hand intertwine with his own and looked down to see Dark's hand. Dark was smiling gently at him, as if to encourage him to talk.

"You died for a moment. We had literally announced your time of death but somehow you came back alive. That is completely unheard of. Did you see anything whilst you were 'dead'?"

Anti bit his lip as he thought about what had happened. All he could remember was blackness.

"Stop that." Dark murmured. Anti sent him a confused look which consisted of furrowed eyebrows and a tilt of his head. "Biting your lip. You're going to make it bleed."

"I'm sorry."

"What do you remember?" Anti closed his eyes and went back to the day where everything had gone wrong.

_He had woken up like normal, pulling on his usual black attire. He had noticed the egos weren't around but that was nothing new, considering they were busy people with a lot of responsibilities. Anti had skipped breakfast because he felt slightly nauseous in the mornings but, again, that was nothing new._

_He made himself some coffee- or was it tea? No... coffee because the coffee machine had broken on him. He drank it at a temperature that would burn any human's throat but he wasn't human. He then headed out because he was craving violence._

_It had been a while since he had blood on his hands because he hadn't been feeling his greatest for a while. He was constantly tired and moving around involved more energy than he could muster. His hands had traced the knife in his pocket and he remembered smiling because it felt good to be reunited with his trusty weapon again._

_He had made his way deep into the forest. He remembered the ground being all muddy and disgusting but he didn't care. His boots kept sinking into it but that just made the adventure all the more exciting. It wasn't his fault that some people decided to go for a walk in the middle of a forest where no one would see them die. He had hid behind a large tree, examining his victims' every move. One person lingered at the back of the group so he took his chance._

_He covered up their mouth and dragged them behind the tree where he could finally get what he had needed for so long. He took out his knife and ran lines along their arms and then slit the person's neck open. The look of fear in their eyes was like a drug to the demon. He needed it so bad and, upon getting it, he felt so much lighter and happier._

_But what had happened after that? Did they die? Did someone find them? Did Anti murder the others? Did he go straight home? Did he call Dark and brag about his latest attack? He didn't know._

The sharp pain was back. He screamed as he covered his ears and scrunched his eyes shut. "Make it stop! Make it stop! Please! Dark, help me! Make it go away!" His words were merging together but he didn't care as the pain flooded his body and was unbearable. One hand moved from his ears to his arms as he rubbed at his scars. He couldn't tell if they had started bleeding again but he didn't care. He wanted to see blood on his hands again. He needed to see blood on his hands.

A hand grabbed at his wrist, pulling it back from his arm to stop him from reopening the cuts. "Anti, we need you to calm down. Breathe with me, okay?"

"I can't! I can't! Stop it. Stop it, please. It hurts. I need-" Anti's voice was glitching so much that the words were almost inaudible. Dark was beginning to panic at his side too, hating seeing his boyfriend so distressed.

"Henrik, do something!" Dark yelled, his voice far astray from its usual monotone.

"Dark, please stay calm. You're only going to panic Anti further."

"Make it stop! Can't take it anymore! Hurts too much- so much. Need to escape. Get out. Stop! Make it stop! Need to get out!" His words weren't even making much sense so Henrik decided Anti called for desperate measures. He reached for a needle and injected Anti with a sedative. "Want to sleep..." Anti mumbled, his eyes flickering a bright green before they shut. Anti fell back onto the bed, his breathing slowly becoming more regular.

"Can you help him?" Dark whispered. At that point, Chase and JJ were awake. Dark and Henrik hadn't paid them much attention so they were both unaware of how much the pair had seen. Chase looked fairly traumatised so that suggested they had seen quite a lot.

"I don't know, Dark. I can see what I can do but something is wrong. I have never seen someone come back to life before. He shouldn't be alive."

"But he is which is... good, right?"

"I don't know. There seems to be a big strain on his mind and it is obviously causing him a lot of pain..."

"He'll be okay though, right?" Henrik didn't answer, just looking down at the floor. "Right? Henrik, answer me..." Dark's hands had clenched into fists at his sides and the edges of his body were becoming darker, as if he was about to fade.

"I don't know, Dark... but I'm doing as much as I can."

"Well, do more! Anti is suffering and I can't lose him! If he dies, it will be all your fault." Dark then disappeared. Henrik knew what that meant: the demon was going to kill someone to vent his frustration.

Henrik glanced at Anti's sleeping body. He appeared so peaceful as his chest rose and fell but, as soon as he woke up, he was the furthest away from peaceful that one person could ever possibly be.


	3. Chapter 3

Black. _Black, black, black._

Anti panicked as he glanced around, trying to find anything that wasn't black. Even the sky was black which unsettled him horribly. He opened his mouth to scream something but couldn't find any words to say. What came out was a high pitched yell that glitched unhealthily.

Looking down at his hands, he noticed they were twitching and glitching too. They looked normal for a few seconds or so but then they'd be a bright blue or red... or green sometimes. He continued to search for colour in the dark room but, when he found it on his own hands, he detested it. He just wanted to see his pale skin again.

Voices suddenly swirled around the room and Anti found himself looking up at the ceiling. What was once black became a mixture of colours. Anti's breath hitched as he remembered when he had died for a moment. He was back in that place.

Chase's worried face filled the sky, his eyes wide and sparkling with tears. JJ was beside him, a hand on his shoulder. "I'm scared, JJ..." Chase mumbled. "I don't want to lose someone else."

Anti screamed. What came out was unlike any sound ever produced by a human. It was like a high pitched screech of a bird and he didn't care that his throat began to ache. He didn't stop until he had to pause for breath. At that point, his body was continuously flickering between all of the colours of the rainbow and it... hurt. The pain was unimaginable.

It was like an electric shock but so much worse. He bit his lip hard, both his arms moving to cover his ears. Chase's sob echoed around him, vibrating the area and making the pain all the more excruciating.

He collapsed to his knees as his legs became weak. In his last moments in the dream, he wondered: _is this really what it feels like to die?_

-

" _Scheiße!_ " Henrik yelled, not even caring that he was swearing in an environment that was meant to be professional. Anti's body was shaking in his sleep and Henrik was finally admitting to himself that he didn't know what to do. He was a doctor so he should have known what had brought Anti back to life but he didn't. Some doctor, right?

He was so distracted by his thoughts that he didn't notice Anti wake up again. His eyes immediately glazed over and tears poured out of them, streaming down his face. The other egos had gone home to properly rest (Henrik had insisted he'd tell them if anything new happened) and Dark was probably still on his murderous rampage. Henrik wrapped his arms around his friend, allowing him to cry into his chest. It was an awkward position, considering Henrik was on his feet and Anti was sat down on the bed but neither minded.

"Am I going to die?" Anti's voice was so quiet and it was laced with terror. Henrik empathised with the demon and rubbed his back gently.

"I won't let that happen, okay? I promise. I'll do whatever I can to help you."

"I don't want to die. I didn't mean for this to happen. I just- I wanted to kill someone and then I looked into their eyes and just something inside me cracked. The sheer look of pain and terror did something to me and I don't know- I just imagined what it would be like for them. If someone was holding a knife to my neck and I was rendered immobile... I can't believe I hurt so many people."

Henrik smiled; not because Anti was upset but because he was finally remembering.

"I've murdered people and they have families. Families who grieve for them and it's all my fault. What's so fun about hurting people anyway? Just because I love the colour red doesn't give me an excuse to kill someone innocent who could grow up to do so many things. Fuck, I could have killed someone who would have gone on to find the cure to a deadly disease or something. What have I done?"

Anti pushed Henrik away so that he could pull his knees to his chest and hug them tightly. His eyes were distant and it was like he was only there physically.

"When I was dead, I was in this black box or something. The sky was filled with colours and I saw you and the other egos. The colours morphed into your faces and they showed me all of your emotions. I hated to see all of you so broken hearted and I can't believe I've done this. Killing that person and seeing their emotions caused me to want to escape and take revenge on myself for them but seeing your emotions made me realise I need to do more. I need to make good of my actions and quit killing people. I need to help people and stop just thinking of myself."

"Anti, I believe you are experiencing a new emotion called empathy. It is when you put yourself in other people's shoes and can sympathise with their emotions."

"I fucking hate it," Anti chuckled, his face glitching to the side for a moment. "I'm a monster and killing is what I'm supposed to love to do... Imagine what Dark is going to say when he finds out his boyfriend that used to love our murder dates has turned all soft."

"He won't care. All he cares about is that you're alive."

"He's going to leave me. Going to leave... Don't want to be alone..." Anti's body was trembling but, before the pain in his head returned and he panicked, Henrik took his hand.

"He'll understand. I know he will... Should I call the others and tell them what you've just told me?"

"Please..." Henrik turned to leave but Anti called him back. "But stay in here whilst you do it. I don't want to be alone."


	4. Chapter 4

Dark wasn't with the others when they came which made Anti cry. A lot. His body was back to glitching an absurd amount and he was a trembling, sobbing mess but everyone was just glad he was alive. Henrik rubbed his back and let him cry into his chest again whilst the other egos just listened to what Anti had told him.

They nodded in understanding, making sure to remind Anti they didn't think any less of him because he had lost his desire to kill. Anti felt so pathetic. He was a demon and the murderous intentions were in his blood. He was so weak that he couldn't hurt people anymore. What had he become?

Dark eventually did show up.

"I want to tell him myself." Anti muttered, biting his lip as Henrik and the other egos left him alone with his boyfriend. Dark looked extremely concerned, especially when Anti had winced at the sight of him. The reason he had winced was because Dark was wearing the same suit from earlier; the same suit he had worn when he killed someone innocent. Blood was splattered on his chest. "You didn't even care enough to change before coming here..." Anti whispered, trying his best not to look at the blood.

"Hey, thought you'd be proud of me for locking another kill." Dark smirked but the smirk quickly became a frown when he saw Anti wasn't laughing.

"That person has a family. They didn't deserve to be killed." Anti kept his volume down, afraid of how Dark would react to his new found feelings.

Dark shrugged. "Who cares? I didn't know them and it were their fault for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I mean, who would just stand in a dark alley like that? It's the perfect opportunity to slice their-"

"Stop!" Anti yelled. He couldn't bear it anymore. His eyes scrunched shut and Dark was about to call Henrik but Anti didn't appear to display any signs of physical pain. "Imagine if JJ got killed. Chase. Marvin. You'd be upset, right?"

"I guess."

"Imagine if someone killed me."

"Anti, I don't-"

"You'd grieve. I'm important to you, right?" Dark nodded slowly. "Well someone out there has lost someone important to them because of you. You should feel guilty but you don't. You love it. You love that you've just made some family experience a terrible loss."

"Anti, what's going on with you? You know how fun it is. You know the adrenaline when-"

"Please stop talking about it. The reason I broke down, Dark... I put myself in the shoes of the victim and I can tell you now, it was horrible. It must have been if it caused Antisepticeye, the murderous demon, to feel emotions."

"This isn't you."

"I'm sorry, Dark but if you can't- can't accept me with these new feelings... I don't want to be with you. Having someone's death on your hands is so heavy. It is weighing me down and I never ever want to experience that pain again."

Dark looked up at Anti and slowly shook his head. He then disappeared into nothing.

Anti cried. Cried until his eyes stung. Cried until his cheeks were drenched. Cried until he didn't feel anything anymore.

When the other egos rejoined him in the room, he pretended they weren't there and just blocked them out. He wished he had died because... what reason did he have to live without Dark?

-

"Okay, fine," Anti muttered, holding out his arms. Once again, he found himself in the black room with the weird rainbow sky. "Kill me. Whatever."

He wasn't sure what he expected. It's not like someone was just going to rise from the ground, wielding a knife and then give him what he wanted and kill him. He blinked, somewhat surprised when nothing happened.

"That's why I have this dream, right? To die."

A low rumbling noise shook the room and almost knocked Anti off of his feet. A dark, grey mist filled the room for a moment until it revealed a person. The person was the man that gave him life: Seán McLoughlin.

"No, Anti. That is not why you have this dream. You have this dream so that you can become more aware about other people's feelings. I created you to be a heartless monster but your character is progressing into so much more than that. You have this dream so that you can realise what is truly valued in life and to help you realise you do not want to die. You have this dream to help you change into a better person."

Anti's body glitched as he backed up, his mouth slightly agape. He had no idea how to respond to that since he hadn't anticipated seeing his creator.

"I'm trying to teach you empathy. You know what that is, don't you?"

"I do."

"Good. That's progress. Dark will come back to you and if he doesn't, he is not worth it. Anti, you are so much more than the monster you think you are. You're becoming more and more human every day."

"What's that supposed to mean? I'm a demon, I don't-"

"Don't worry about that. You'll get used to these feelings. Until then, how about trying to be a bit more positive? Dark left you which suggests he wasn't suited for you. If he really loved you, he'd be more willing to sacrifice for you. This will allow you to find someone to truly accept you for who you are: Antisepticeye."

"I don't want anyone else. I want-"

"We can't always get what we want. You should treasure what you have... You have some amazing friends. I mean, Henrik... I don't know what you'd have done without him. And Chase, he rarely left your side even though the whole experience brought back a lot of memories he was trying to repress. JJ probably saved your life when he found you in the bathroom covered in your own blood. You have some amazing people in your life so you really need to stop focussing on what you don't have and focus on what you do have."

"Will you kill me already? Before I do it myself?" Anti reached into his pocket and pulled out his knife, running his finger up the blade. He couldn't help but grin as he thought about what was to come: maybe there was a part of him that still enjoyed a bit of violence.

"You will not die. For as long as you try, I will heal you." Anti raised an eyebrow, not seeing any truth in Seán's words. He pressed the knife into his neck, harsh enough to break into the skin. Seán clicked his fingers and, before Anti could comprehend what was happening, his knife was floating towards Seán and his neck was completely healed. "You need to understand and let this happen. Maybe one day Dark will go through this too. Then you can be human together."

"I don't want to be human! I'm not like you! I want to kill and to hurt and-" Unexpected tears filled his eyes. More people rose from the ground and he recognised most of them immediately. His victims. He let out a loud scream as they circled him, their eyes empty as they cried blood. "Make it stop!"

"Anti, this will all be over soon."

"Stop it now! I can't take this! Let me die! I didn't mean to hurt people. I just needed to feel something. Anything. Please! Go away! I want to wake up!"

"Open your eyes," Anti hadn't even realised his eyes were shut until he heard that command. He opened them up to reveal all of the victims had disappeared into thin air, leaving Seán in front of him, bent down on one knee with his hand held out. "So, what do you say? Do you want to be human again?"

Anti met Seán's eyes and was about to shake his head but he saw a shadow move behind the human. Fearful it was a victim coming back for revenge, he rapidly nodded, taking Seán's hand. His eyes scrunched shut and a tear made its way down his cheek.

"You won't have to hurt this bad anymore. I'll help you forget about the victims."

"Promise?" Anti sounded so pathetic and desperate but he didn't care. At that point, he'd do anything to escape the thoughts.

"I promise."


	5. Chapter 5

"Anti. Your eyes!" Chase yelled, attracting the attention of the other egos. Anti furrowed his eyebrows and immediately asked why he was shouting so much. "They're green! They're not black anymore... how weird."

Henrik approached the man, his mouth falling open slightly as he examined his eyes. "They look like a human's eyes."

The dream came flooding back to him, along with the memories of the victims circling him and waiting to attack. "I'm a human!" He screeched, looking down at his hands and waiting for them to glitch. They didn't.

Henrik laughed for a moment until he noticed how seriously happy Anti seemed. "You genuinely think you're a human?"

"I am. Seán came to talk to me in a dream and he promised to make everything better by making me human. I guess it worked! Do you have a mirror? I want to see my eyes!"

"Anti..?" Someone spoke up, cocking their head to the side as they looked at the person that used to be their boyfriend. "This isn't you. What has Seán done to you?"

"He made me happy, Dark."

-

Anti got discharged from the hospital not long after he became 'human'. He seemed so much happier which generally made all of the other egos happier too, despite the events leading to that moment. Even Chase smiled a lot and that guy had been through more than any man should.

It felt good to be back to his home. He found that his bed sheets were clean, as if waiting for his arrival. He fell back onto them, eyes gently closing as he appreciated the comfort. The hospital bed hadn't been the comfiest in the world. He laid there for a bit longer, looking around his room to see the entire thing was so dull. He stood up with every intention to make the room a bit more positive. He tore down the black band posters, scrunching them up and tossing them in the bin. He was surprised to see a light blue colour underneath all of the posters but found himself preferring it a lot more compared to the boring pictures of bands and other things.

"Hey, Anti... Do you maybe want to come and make a cake with- what have you done to your room?" Marvin's shock was apparent in him cutting himself off and just standing in the doorway with his mouth wide open.

"I just took down the posters, that's all." Anti smiled, proud.

"Are you sure about this? You loved your posters..."

"They just seemed too dull, you know? I'm a whole new person!"

"Yeah, you are..."

"What did you come to ask anyway?"

"I was just wondering if you wanted to help me, Chase and JJ make a cake."

"Sounds nice!"

-

Marvin used his magic to conjure up a mixing bowl, making JJ frown before pulling out the actual mixing bowl they kept in the cupboard. He pointed at it, placing his hands on his hips. "You know JJ doesn't trust your magic bowls. Who knows where they've been?!" Chase yelled at an unnecessarily loud volume.

"Fine then. We'll use the mortal bowl..." Marvin grumbled before discreetly forming a wooden spoon in his hand and placing it down on the table. No one noticed so JJ proceeded to grab it and use it to mix in the ingredients they had just spent a long time measuring out. He kept the stirring slow to ensure he mixed in all the flour and didn't accidentally get any on the side. "Take your time, James!"

That resulted in a long glare from the silent man and it made him go even slower. Marvin was getting impatient, tapping his foot up and down to make sure his impatience was known by the whole group.

"Will you quit that?!" Chase snapped, making Marvin snap back.

"If JJ wasn't taking so damn-"

"No need to argue." Anti said, placing a hand on both of the men's chests. He pushed them apart in case they were to lunge for each other. Both of them stared at him with shock-filled eyes.

"What?" They said in unison. It would have been comical to any bystander if they didn't know Anti was acting really weirdly.

"I said there's no need to argue. We can resolve this calmly. JJ, speed up a little and Marvin stop tapping your foot."

"Anti, are you feeling okay?" Chase asked, suddenly very concerned. The argument was long forgotten as he looked into Anti's eyes. He found himself missing the deep black, feeling like the emerald eyes didn't belong to his friend.

"Yep. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because usually you'd be on the sidelines, eating popcorn and offering to give us knives so we could properly fight it out. You never resolve things with words."

"I'm a changed man remember?" Chase, Marvin and JJ exchanged anxious, unsettled glances. They missed their friend, as peculiar as that sounded.

-

"We need to talk, Anti." Dark mumbled, entering the man's room without being invited. Anti was sitting on the edge of his bed, reading a book. Just that let Dark know something was seriously wrong because Anti had never touched a book a day in his life.

"I'm listening." Anti smiled, tucking the bookmark into his book, closing it and then placing it on his bedside table. Dark followed each of his movement with his eyes.

"I don't know where the fuck my Anti has gone but-"

"Firstly, you do not own me and secondly, I'm the same dude. I just decided to become more positive."

"And become human. That isn't you. You like to kill. Don't you remember all those times where we'd go out together and see who can attack the most people? Those were the best." Dark smiled at the memory, wishing he could go back to those nights.

"That sounds like a sick game. Imagine how many families you wrecked. I'm trying to get better and be more positive so we don't hurt any more families."

"Anti," Dark's voice had gotten so much more threatening and it made Anti flinch. Dark grabbed him by the collar and pushed him into the wall rather harshly. "This. Is. Not. You. You must remember the feeling of blood on your hands. The rush and the adrenaline. You loved it and craved it. It made you feel alive and well... an urge to kill is in a demon's blood."

"I'm not a demon anymore, Dark."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm a human."

"I'm going to fucking kill Seán... That bastard took Anti away from me."

"Don't kill him. We can resolve this with-"

"Shut the fuck up!" Dark yelled, slamming his fist into the wall, right next to Anti's shoulder. Despite not being hit, he felt a sharp pain in his head. He screamed. It caught Dark off guard so he dropped his ex-boyfriend to the floor, watching him curl up into a ball and cover his ears with his hands. His screeches were so high pitched that even Dark was wincing and the other egos ran into the room.

"What's going on?" Marvin questioned, ready to use magic on any intruders.

"Nothing, I-"

"Did you hurt him, Dark?" A ball of light formed in the palm of Marvin's hand, making Dark cover his face with his hands in defence.

"No! He just started screaming!"


	6. Chapter 6

"Seán, why don't I feel right?" Anti asked. He was sitting on the floor, hugging his knees against his chest as he rocked back and forth. Seán just watched him with a small smile.

"You will. It takes some time to get used to." Seán kept his voice calm and gentle so that he didn't seem like a bad guy. He wasn't there to harm Anti, he just wanted to give the guy a better, happier life.

"But I- I don't feel happy."

"You will," Seán held out his hand and Anti took it, allowing the other to pull him up onto his feet. The scenery around them immediately morphed into a forest, one that was all too familiar to Anti. "Do you know where this is?" Anti's answer was obvious in the way he gripped Seán's hand tighter and began to tremble. "This is where you killed that little girl. She was ten years old and had her whole life ahead of her."

"I know," Anti whispered. In front of him, he saw another version of himself with a knife in one hand whilst the other hand covered the girl's mouth. Tears streamed down the victim's face as Anti smirked to himself, enjoying her pain. The demon dug the knife into the girl's arm, leaving a deep red cut. "I know..."

"Her name was Natasha. She had a lot of friends but a small family. She was an only child. Her parents have shut themselves away since her death and refuse to speak to anyone." Seán guided Anti to a river and they both stared into the clear water. The liquid soon changed colour to form the face of an older woman who looked utterly distraught.

The woman cried out, "I shouldn't have to be planning my own child's funeral!"

Anti couldn't look anymore. He turned his neck to look at something else- _anything_ else- but Seán put a hand on the side of his head to force him to look at the person whose life he had ruined.

"You did this. She wanted to grow up and be a doctor like her mother but now she can't. She can't do anything because you ended her life way too soon."

"I'm sorry..."

"I'm not the one you should be saying that to."

Anti let out a loud sob as a body stepped out of the water. It was the woman, Natasha's mother. "I'm so sorry, I didn't-"

"No amount of apologies are going to bring my daughter back! You took away her life and I hope you rot in hell. You deserve nothing but unhappiness. I can't believe anyone would do this to someone so young and innocent. You're a monster."

"I know-"

"You're a disgrace. What am I going to do now? I can't even get out of bed because I think about getting her ready for school. I can't walk passed her room without thinking about what she could have been. I can't even bear to talk to my husband because it always just ends in us crying together. We miss her so much... She was going to be a doctor and she was going to make such a difference. Now she'll never get the chance..." Anti reached out in attempt to comfort the woman but as soon as he touched her skin, her body became liquid again.

"This is the right thing for you, Anti. You want to be human so you never hurt anyone again."

Anti could only nod because he knew he couldn't speak. Any words would just end up into another fit of sobs.

-

"Anti, are you alright?" Henrik asked. Anti expected to find himself in a hospital bed but he was at home, in his own warm bed.

"Never been better!" He grinned, watching as the others slowly smiled back. Chase didn't really smile at all: he instead looked away momentarily before exiting the room. "Is Chase okay?"

"Yeah. You just gave him a bit of a scare there."

"Sorry about that. I must still be recovering!"

"You shouldn't be..." Henrik muttered but none of the others heard him.

-

"He is not Anti! He must have been replaced or something!" Chase cried, pulling his knees to his chest. JJ placed his hand on his friend's shoulder to offer his comfort. "I don't like looking into his eyes and seeing green rather than the black. I miss him causing trouble, as stupid as that sounds. It just doesn't feel right when he's always kind to everyone. I feel like his personality and everything that made him Anti has died and all that's left is this weird... alien version of himself. It is genuinely like it's his twin that is his polar opposite or something rather than him."

JJ nodded in understanding, He reached into his pocket to pull out the little notebook he always carried around with him. He flickered through the pages until he found one that was empty. He clicked his pen and started to write what was on his mind. As JJ took his time writing, Chase hummed a song to himself to try and maintain his breathing at a healthy frequency. He wasn't sure what song it was but it was calming and it even helped JJ relax a little.

_I know. He isn't himself. I miss him too, even if he was annoying a lot of the time. In no way do I condone people murdering others but that's just Anti, isn't it? He really does seem like a different person and I can't help but wonder what is going on behind closed doors, you know? Is he really this happy? If he is then I'm all for him continuing like this... but I just feel like he isn't as happy as he could be because a part of him is missing. I know Dark misses him too. The poor man's distraught and mourning as if Anti is dead or something._

Chase nodded, glad someone else understood. "Maybe we should confront him about it. Tell him how we're feeling and ask if he's really okay..."

JJ nodded, closing his notebook and holding out his hand for Chase to take.


	7. Chapter 7

"Anti, are you okay? Don't lie. Just tell us the truth about what is going on in your mind." Chase said, putting an arm around Anti to let him know he was there for him.

"Yes, I am okay. The only thing I'm thinking about right now is why you two look so concerned. Is everything okay with you?" Anti didn't even seem bothered by the question. It was like he couldn't even see anything out of place.

"Yeah, we're just very worried about you. You aren't acting like yourself, bro..." Chase then explained everything about his feelings towards the 'new' Anti and how much he missed the old one. Anti didn't even seem too bothered at what he was saying.

"This is the new me and if you don't accept it, you know where the door is."

Chase stood up, pulling JJ with him. "I'm sorry, Anti. This just... isn't right."

-

After Anti's latest breakdown, Henrik decided to examine him a bit more. He planned on taking the man to the hospital for a while and running a few tests to make sure his brain was functioning normally and there wasn't any damage... but Anti refused to go.

"I'm fine!" Anti insisted, even smiling widely to further prove his point. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with me and just because I get a few migraines every so often-"

"They're not migraines. Migraines don't make you scream and pass out."

"Henrik, just leave it. I don't need help because there's nothing wrong with me."

"Why won't you just let me help you? Something is seriously wrong! You died, Anti so you shouldn't be here! I need to make sure everything is okay because, for all I know, your body could be shutting down. You're not yourself either... Something has happened but I don't know what just yet... I can find out if you let me run those tests."

"Why does everyone suddenly hate me because I'm trying to be nice for once. Oh, I apologise for not wanting to murder people anymore. I just want you all to be happy."

"We can't be happy if we're constantly worrying about you."

"Henrik, if you don't trust that I'm okay-"

"No, I get it. Push me away like you pushed JJ and Chase away."

-

"How's saving the world?" Anti asked, sitting down on the sofa beside Jackieboy Man who had just got back from his latest mission. His face was red and there were beads of sweat on his forehead so he was in need of a good, cold shower but he didn't seem to want to move from his spot on the sofa.

"Pretty tiring as usual but it pays off, you know? Seeing people smiling and knowing I'm the reason behind it is so amazing. Today I saved a little girl's cat and her face just glowed. It was amazing." Jackieboy Man mumbled, leaning his head on Anti's shoulder.

"That does sound amazing. Maybe one day I could join you on a mission! I could be like your cheerleader or something!"

Jackieboy Man snorted. "Right. You hate me and you're usually the type of enemy I have to fight."

"I don't hate you! I actually admire you a lot. It takes guts to fight evil and you must be pretty good at it if you're not dead yet."

"Very funny."

"What? I'm serious. You're really brave."

Jackieboy Man turned to Marvin and sent him a look that basically screamed ' _are you hearing this?_ ', to which Marvin responded with a surprised nod. Jackieboy Man and Anti never got on. Considering their morals in life were complete opposites, that was entirely expected. They usually just avoided each other around the house and, if they ever did talk, there would be more shouting and insults than anything else.

"Thanks but... you don't need to be like that, man. Just because you've become more positive or whatever doesn't mean I can forget what you did. We want different things so..." Jackieboy Man stood up and left the room, unsure of how to finish his sentence. Once he was alone, he placed a hand on his forehead and furrowed his eyebrows. Had he just imagined that entire conversation? Anti was actually complimenting him. He must really be exhausted.

-

Marvin was uttering out some words in another language. He had his hand still in the air as a single paper card floated in front of him. He was in the middle of the last line when Anti walked in and yelled, "Hey Marv!"

Caught off guard, Marvin dropped the _Jack of diamonds_ and instead of finishing the line, he shouted, "Fucking- Anti?"

"Yep!" He grinned a cheesy grin, like a child's after doing something bad and trying to cover it up. "No one else is talking to me so..."

"You shouldn't interrupt me when I'm doing spells. It's really dangerous and who knows what could have happened... I could have conjured up a dragon or something."

"That would have been awesome! We could have befriended it and use it to fly places-"

"Be realistic, it would have burnt our house down."

"Why do you insist dragons are bad? Just because that's how they're portrayed doesn't mean they're actually like that."

"Anti, can you just leave me alone? This is a really important spell that I need to perfect, alright?"

"But Marvin... can't I at least watch? Magic is so fascinating!"

"I need quiet and full concentration so no."

"I can be quiet!"

"Anti, take a hint and leave." Anti opened his mouth to say something else but decided against it. He left the room and half expected an apology from the magician but all he heard was him uttering the magical words again.

He barely made it down the hallway to his room before pain filled his head again. He screamed so loudly that it was a surprise the glass mirror in his room didn't smash. He put his head in his hands as he yelled and yelled but the pain refused to dull. It didn't take long for him to pass out. The last thing he saw was the white ceiling.


	8. Chapter 8

"Hello there." Seán grinned, hugging Anti as if they were actually friends. Anti pushed him away and let out a sad cry.

"I've lost everyone," He muttered. "Because of you."

"That is not what happened. It's not my fault you're so annoying, right?" The look on Anti's face quickly morphed from desperation to... fury.

"It kind of is. You created me."

"And I can destroy you, you know. So watch what you say."

"This is all your fault. I am no happier like this! All this has done is made me happier around my friends but as soon as I fall asleep, I'm haunted by the past. I might as well become a demon again!"

"And murder more innocent people? Is that what you want? To see them cry and to watch their families break down?"

"No! I just want to stop feeling!"

"No can do, Anti. This is what you wanted, isn't it? To be happy. To stop mourning over all of those innocent people you killed..."

"No!"

"Yes? You asked for this... or would you rather you died?"

"Please don't kill me." Anti's eyes widened as he looked up at his creator, suddenly more afraid than angry.

"What do you want then?"

"To be a demon again! To not feel anymore!"

Seán let out a loud huff, turning away as the room around them morphed into an alley way. Dark was standing there, pressing someone harshly into a wall with a knife against their neck. The man beneath the knife was young and he was screaming for help whilst struggling against Dark's grip. Dark was laughing a sick laugh, dragging the knife against the victim's skin so that blood seeped out of the wound.

"You want this monster to be your boyfriend again?" Seán asked. Both watched as Dark let the man's body fall limp to the floor. Dark let out a satisfied huff and pocketed his bloody knife.

"Yes! Because I loved him!"

The room changed into another scene. That time a hospital. A bed was lying not far from Seán and Anti and Anti's limp body was clearly laying in it.

"Time of death: 9:32pm." Henrik's figure turned away from the bed and the two spectators.

"He gave up on you so easily. You want him to be your friend when he clearly doesn't care?"

"I do! He does care. He tried so hard and-"

"He gave up on you. Just like all of your others friends did."

Anti was crying and he hadn't realised it yet. He desperately wanted to go back to the time when he had no worries and could feel no empathy.

They were in the middle of a street, watching Anti and the others take Anti back home after he was discharged. Both Chase and Henrik had their arms around the demon and they were all laughing at something stupid. Anti's smile practically reached his eyes and he just looked so happy. Even Chase looked over the moon; his eyes were sparkling but not with tears, with happiness. It was very rare for Anti to see him so happy since he had been through a lot with his ex-wife.

"They're all so happy with the new you and you know they are."

"They're not..." Anti whispered but he wasn't too sure of himself.

"Remember this?" Seán clicked his fingers and suddenly they were standing in Chase's bedroom. Chase was sitting on his bed, downing a bottle of some sort of alcohol. The old version of Anti hit the bottle out of his friend's hand, not caring when it fell on the carpet.

"Chase, what the fuck are you doing? You're getting absolutely nowhere by drowning your problems in alcohol. If anything, you're creating another stupid problem. This is so pathetic and weak of you! Man up for once, will you? Stacy fucking left you, and she doesn't love you, I get it but stop wallowing in your self pity! Drinking won't bring her back so how about you stop acting so pathetic and quit feeling sorry for yourself!" Anti was glitching as he spoke.

Anti missed that (the glitching not hurting Chase).

Tears were streaming down Chase's cheeks as he pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them tight. Anti felt so sorry for his friend but old Anti didn't seem to care about the terrible state he was in. "Where do you keep it?" Chase had shook his head, scrunching his eyes shut. "Tell me you little shit!"

"Not exactly the way you should deal with a friend's depression, right? It would have been so much better if Jackieboy Man or another ego had found him and gave him the comfort he needed..." Seán mumbled, twirling around on his feet to face Anti who was staring at the scene in shock. He looked defeated as he suddenly realised how much of a monster he truly was.

Everything faded back to its usual black.

"So... Human," Seán held out one hand. "Or demon," He held out the other. "I think the answer's obvious."

"I think so too..." Anti whispered, falling to his knees. He buried his head in his hands as the tears fell rapidly down his cheeks. Seán was watching him as he fell, enjoying every moment. He thought the man was about to give in to what Seán wanted. He thought he was going to accept himself as a human and stop hurting people. In no way did Seán want others to be harmed, especially if he had some control over it. He wasn’t forcing the decision on Anti to hurt him, he was doing it to prioritise others and keep people safe. Despite his good intentions, Seán smirked and found himself actually enjoying making the other uncomfortable. "Demon."

Seán's eyebrows raised in surprise and he backed up a little, going silent as he composed himself. Out of all the outcomes he had considered, that was the one he expected the least. "You're not thinking about this. Your demon self made so many people unhappy. He was annoying and rude and he murdered so many innocent people. Everyone else is so much better off if you remain a human."

"That's not true. They miss me."

"They don't, Anti. Get it through your head, they hate you."

Anti's fists clenched at his sides and he had an undeniable urge to throw a punch at Seán's face. It made him grin because... was he coming back? The urge to cause violence had disappeared for so long that he had almost forgotten what it felt like. It was amazing. It made him feel strong and powerful.

"They don't hate me. I may be annoying but I'm me. I was created to cause pain and be violent and I shouldn't have to change for you. Being a demon is so much more thrilling too... I mean, who wants to be happy all the time? That's boring!" Anti held out his hand and his signature blade appeared out of thin air. He smirked to himself, a smirk that had not made an appearance in too long. His fingers laced around the weapon and it was at that point he realised how terrified Seán looked.

"You're making a mistake. You will realise how much you hurt people and then you'll come running back to me, begging for me to make you a human again."

Anti's response was a loud cackle. He watched with a grin when the hand around his knife glitched. He lunged towards Seán who was caught off guard since he hadn't expected it. Anti knocked Seán off of his feet and immediately had his knife against his throat. Anti then decided to drag the moment out for as long as possible. He was going to make the fight as enjoyable as he could.

"Anti! Please don't do this... You know how harrowing it is to have someone's death on your hands... Remember Natasha's mother? She was so broken hearted and distraught. Her daughter would never become a doctor and potentially save-" Seán was cut off as Anti swiped the blade across the skin, making him gasp out. He couldn’t continue talking because he was too entranced in the liquid seeping out of the wound. It wasn’t going to _kill_ Seán because he had so many more plans for the man.

“Do you know why I love being a demon so much?” Anti got onto his feet after rolling off of Seán and cracked his knuckles. The look in Seán’s eyes was something Anti would never forget (but for a good reason). He looked petrified as he moved one of his hands to his neck with a pathetic attempt to cut off the bleeding. His hand was shaking so violently that it was almost a blur and that just fuelled Anti even further.

Anti finally felt like he had his power back. He no longer felt weak or light, he felt normal and _so damn good_. He grinned, snapping his fingers and transporting to behind Seán, knowing he wouldn’t dare turn his neck. He crept up behind the human and ruffled his hair. “Seán, I love being a demon because of the rush. Every time I see the colour red, I yearn to see even more. I want my hands to be red because that stuff is like a drug to me. It feels so good. No amount of blood is ever enough.”

“Anti, the- the families... you’re hurting them...” Seán’s voice was quiet because his throat was making it next to impossible to get words out. Anti put his head right up to Seán’s ear so that the man could feel his breath on the side of his head.

“Good.”

“What if someone hurt Chase? Marvin? JJ-“

“No one will get to them. If they do, I’ll just have more people to call victims.”

“That’s not my point. Do- Do you not understand what it would be like to- to lose someone close?”

“I do understand. I just don’t give a fuck.” Anti transported back in front of Seán and cut the man’s shirt with the end of his blade.

“You’re evil, you’re- you’re-“

“A demon?”

“You don’t- You don’t want this!”

“You don’t know what I want.” Anti then pulled back the knife before thrusting it forward, right into Seán’s chest. The man gasped, his breathing ragged as blood profusely seeped out of the wound. As the demon looked closer, he realised Seán was crying. Wet tears were streaming down his face and Anti _loved it_.

Taking a moment to look down at his bloody hands and then back at the dying man, he grinned widely. He had done that. He had caused Seán such excruciating pain. And it was the best kill he had ever got. "I choose demon, Seán. Demon." He muttered as his once emerald eyes became a darker black. With a click of his fingers, he transported back to the other egos, the familiar craving for violence back in his veins.


	9. Epilogue

The first thing Anti did when he woke up was go to Dark's house. Wilford had opened the door, looking surprised at the sight of the other demon. The pink-haired ego went to say a greeting but Anti didn't give him enough time before barging into the house and yelling for Dark.

Dark walked downstairs whilst rubbing his eyes. They were red but Anti wasn't sure if that was because he was rubbing them or if he had been crying or something beforehand. "The fuck do you want?" The ego grumbled. Anti was probably the last person he wanted to see at that moment.

"Guess who's back?" Anti was smirking, hoping Dark would catch on.

"I don't care." Dark turned to go back upstairs but what Anti said next made him halt.

"I think you do." Anti's eyes then turned fully black and he could have sworn he saw Dark's face light up. He practically ran towards the demon, enveloping him in a long hug to show how much he had missed him.

"Is it actually you? Not some weird version of you who doesn't enjoy violence?"

"It's me! So... how about a date later... see who can kill more?"

"That sounds so appealing right now... What time?"

-

"The reason I brought all of you here..." Anti started, folding his arms. He had his eyes disguised as the emerald colour, just to hide the fact that his demon-self was back. "I need to explain a few things."

"Yes, you do." Henrik responded for the rest of the egos. Anti's eyes scanned the group and Henrik looked incredibly bored; Jackieboy Man just looked irritated and JJ, Marvin and Chase appeared upset.

Anti then explained pretty much everything about the dreams and Seán and the emotions he had been feeling. The others just stared at him in shock and gradually they all began to look rather guilty. Once he had covered almost everything, he stood up for emphasis and thrust out both arms with a grin on his face that showed off his sharp canines. "To conclude: I'm back!" He then let his eyes glisten over with the empty black again and literally every ego in the room squealed (yes, even Henrik).

They all seemed ecstatic. He didn't need to be someone else to make people happy; he needed to be himself.

-

"Anti, I'm so glad you're back. Killing is so much less exhilarating on your own!" Dark muttered, a knife pressed into a young woman's neck. Anti could only agree as he thrust his weapon into a man's gut, watching as a lot of blood poured out of the wound. His hands were literally covered in the red substance and he wouldn't have had it any other way. "I can't believe you ever thought about giving this up. You're crazy, man!"

"I know!" Anti was breathing heavily so he paused for a moment to calm down a little. "I'm so happy to be back. Being human is fucking boring."

"I'm sure it is."

"Yep... How many you got?"

"Two so far, you?"

"Three."

"I need to up my game." Both their eyes tracked a drunk teenager stumbling down the woodland path and they mentally counted down together before racing towards him. Anti just so happened to be faster so he managed to cover the teenager's mouth with his hand and drag him behind a tree. He used his knife to cut into his shoulder.

"Mine. I'm going to win this game." He muttered to Dark who rolled his eyes.

"I'm sorry but I can't help that my boyfriend is a speedy killing machine!"

Anti took one last look into the teenager's fearful eyes before driving the knife into his chest.

"And I love him for that."

"Sappy little shit. I thought I was the one who experienced being a human?"


	10. Explanation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some stuff about some hidden meanings no one cares about :)

So this book has an underlying meaning, I guess and I thought I'd tell you if you really care enough to read this. You don't need to interpret the story like this, I'm just saying this is how I interpreted it when writing it!

Anti is obviously a demon and has a very violent nature which is understandable since that's his character, right? His past involved a lot of violence as it was something that made him feel powerful. Seán is a manifestation of Anti's conscience. Seán was the one who created Anti's evil side as he was around before Anti became... well... Anti.

The reason I refer to him as Seán rather than Jack **(if you have read my other stuff, you'd know I always refer to him as Jack for some reason)** is because I see him as someone different to the YouTuber Jacksepticeye. I guess he's basically Jack before he had YouTube and before the egos were created. That's why he's so aware of other people's emotions: he was Anti before Anti existed. He was also a part of the other egos too before they became who they are now. The reason Seán can coexist with the others so well is because they have similar intentions: good. Seán and Anti don't get along because Anti wants to kill whilst Seán doesn't want anyone to get hurt.

Anti grew into his own person(/demon) as Seán created the character and people became more aware of him. So basically, Anti morphed into what he was created to be: utterly evil with a desire to kill.

Seán can still get to him in his dreams as he isn't trying to repress him during those moments. He tries to convince Anti to go back to who he was before he turned to violence and to accept emotion again. This part of him is extremely empathetic **(fun fact: Empathy was actually the original name of the story but as I wrote more and more it felt less suiting)** and doesn't want to cause people pain. So, he accepts himself as Seán when he becomes human.

When Seán 'dies' in the final chapter, Anti loses his conscience. This allows him to become violent again and helps distract him from his worries and sadness.

_**So, tldr: Seán is Anti's conscience.** _

I don't know if that makes sense written down but it makes sense in my head :P

Thank you for reading!

**Out of interest, did any of you interpret it this way? Or did you just read it without thinking about underlying meanings?**


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